Happy New Years

A new year is approaching and I can't wait until a few months from now when I finally get my husband back. There are rumors that they will be coming home early. That would be grand, and I'm praying they are true. It would be amazing if my husband could be home before our daughter's first birthday in April. No guarantees yet but I can't help but be a little excited. I've been finding lots of things to keep myself busy. I'm going to enroll my son in soccer and a preschool program at the YMCA, which thanks to my husband being deployed are going to be "free". :) I'm also buying a weight bench system thing from a lady for $50 that I got for Christmas. I'm hoping I actually use it. And I want to run a marathon so I'm going to start training for one (providing I can get off my tush and hand my children to someone else for an hour or so). My house is still a giant mess so thats another thing to keep me busy. I should be sleeping now... but I started paying bills and checking on all our accounts and now I'm doing this... who needs sleep eh? Apparently not my daughter. She didn't have any interest in napping at all today. Very frustrating... but shes been asleep for a few hours now so I'm happy about that. Hopefully I'll get to go to sleep for a little while before she wakes up again. I keep procrastinating all these things I want to do, like eat right, work out, and get all sexy before my husband gets back. I have an easier time in life putting myself last, but it needs to stop if I want to be there for my kids in the future. My goal for 2011 is to loose 50lbs. Its hard to work out and breastfeed (some may disagree, but it is for me) but I'm going to make sure I give myself some time during the day. Even if its just 15 minutes of jogging in place. I deserve it right?
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

ugh. single parenting

One of the hardest things about having your spouse deployed is that you have to do the parenting job pretty much all by yourself. Most days I'm ok with that but days like today make me really wish my husband were at home. Our daughter will be 8 months old tomorrow and some days she is just really needy and its hard to get anything done. She pretty much didn't nap at all today (only in my arms and briefly at that). I'm not sure why shes been so difficult today but it can get pretty tiring. I don't know how single parents actually do this all the time. I feel bad because I feel like I should be giving my son more attention, and I do make sure he does get some attention, but its hard. When my daughter is actually being a good little baby and sleeping or playing I have things I need to do (like make dinner and take care of the bills). I look forward to the day when my hubby is back and we can parent together again.

missing him tonight

The other night I had a fairly bad dream. My husband was home, but he was still in uniform and carrying around his weapon. We were looking out our backyard talking with one of his fellow officers, when we see enemy troops attacking us. So my husband and the other soldier run towards the attackers shooting their weapons while I run into my neighbors house (not sure why) and  start looking for a gun (we have some in our house). Makes me appreciate that at least the war is not in my backyard. As a nation that barely seems to notice that we are at war (aside from all the spending on it) I think we should take a moment to be thankful that we don't have to worry about enemy troops attacking us in our homes. oh, and I really miss my husband right now.

Happy Thanksgiving

We had our official thanksgiving dinner right before he left, but seeing as tomorrow is the actual holiday I'm wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone is enjoying their loved ones. Be thankful for those you have, not everyone can be with the ones they love. I miss my husband so much, and I hate that our kids have to miss out on their daddy as well. My son was able to talk to daddy on the phone tonight. He called literally right after I tucked him into bed. Zavier is 3, turning 4 in January, and I know he is having a hard time understanding his feelings. I can tell he misses daddy, and he doesn't understand why daddy isn't available, why daddy's truck is still here, and why we can't call him on the phone. We pray for daddy every day, and every night before I tuck him in we pray and I always ask Zavier what he wants to pray for. Sometimes he says silly things like Thomas the Tank Engine, or one of his friends, but tonight he said he wanted to pray for Daddy and it made my heart smile. Its funny how a deployment can change you. It has the ability to really make you understand what you are truly capable of and what you care about the most. My husband has always said he wanted to retire from the Army after 20+ years, and for the first time ever he is actually considering not doing that because he is beginning to see what a truly big impact that will have on our life together. Being gone every other year, missing so many milestones and holidays. Its a lot to ask of anyone. A soldier with a family doesn't serve his country alone, his family serves with him. There are lots of great things about the military, but it definitely isn't an easy life. We will be praying for God's will to be done. If the army is where God wants us to be then we will do so wholeheartedly. I am so thankful for my husband, and I will go wherever he goes.

Thank God for...

Technology!
I was fortunate enough to talk to my husband a lot in the past few days, and I'm just so thankful that we can talk. My dad was in the Navy when I was a little girl, and my mom would have to go months on end without talking to him. I was little enough that I don't remember but I can just imagine how trying it must have been for her at times. I have 2 younger sisters and we are all 18months apart. I know that if my parents (who have been married for 26 years now) could survive that, then I can definitely survive this deployment. :)
I'm also really thankful that the man I married is a Godly man. He is by no means perfect, but he tries, and in some ways I can see how this deployment is helping our marriage grow. For years now I've been reading and using the book "Power of a Praying Wife" and this evening my husband told me he is now reading the counterpart, "Power of a Praying Husband". I can't possibly explain how happy that makes me. I hope that he gets as much out of his book as I have out of mine, and let me just say that prayer works. I honestly don't think that we would be married today, or at least we wouldn't be happily married today, without all the praying we have both done for each other and for our marriage. And we're still praying. I have every intention of being happily married to my husband for the rest of our lives, but I know that we can only accomplish that if we are both praying and seeking God first. If God is for us, then who can stand against us? :)

our first week

I feel sad. This deployment has been a long time coming, so I feel as though I have prepared as much as possible for it, but I can't get around the sadness. I feel weighed down right now. I was hoping that the fact that I just moved and need to unpack would help keep me occupied so I wouldn't be so sad while my love is gone, but it didn't work. Now I just feel stressed as well as sad because at some point I need to figure out how to get rid of all the boxes, contain the clutter, and conquer our new home. One of the hardest things about moving is making new friends. I've met a lot of people. but it takes time to really develop friendships. well, deep friendships anyway. I miss my friends. Obviously, they are still my friends. but it isn't the same. My kids are wonderful though. I love my children. We have two, a boy and a girl. Zavier is 3, almost 4 and Emma-Grace is almost 7 months. My baby girl still isn't sleeping through the night, so maybe if she starts doing that it will help.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to send my husband his first care package. A few things he forgot to bring, plus a few things I want him to have. I wonder how long it will take him to get it? I miss hugs. I miss kisses. I miss... everything.